TOTAL PUNK RECORD REVIEW GENERATOR

In the past 15 years I've put out over 100 releases and have had to write a description for each everyone.  There are only so many ways to describe a punk record.  Only so much post apocalyptic imagery you can assign to said music.  Only so many adjectives for amateurish, misanthropic, or plodding, so I've come up with a solution. I present to you the TOTAL PUNK RECORD REVIEW GENERATOR.  Feel free to share with friends, to use to describe your own releases, or to post on your blog.  Send me your best or post them to social media and tag me so I can see what you come up with.


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  • It was a quiet Tuesday morning. I logged into my Bitcoin wallet like I had a hundred times before, expecting to check balances and plan trades. But instead of numbers, I saw a void — a zero balance staring back at me like a cruel joke.

    I blinked. Refreshed. Checked again. Still empty. Over $3,000,000…gone. Just like that. The air seemed to thicken around me. My heart raced. For a moment, I thought it was a glitch. But the harsh truth set in quickly: I had been hacked.

    The realization was crushing. This wasn’t just money. It was years of savings, strategic investments, and early adoption that I had poured my soul into. And now it had vanished in the blink of an eye, swept away like dust in the wind.

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    Days passed in a haze. Sleep eluded me. The thought that I had lost everything was like a weight I couldn’t shake.

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    I logged in, my hands trembling. The familiar figure was back. My $3 million was restored.

    To this day, I still can’t quite put into words the mix of disbelief, gratitude, and awe I felt. I had prepared to move on with my life with nothing. Instead, I got everything back.

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